Thoughts.

I wish I had no commitments with relationships. I wish I never fell in love. I wish I wasn't so attached to him. I'm so tired of it all. I hate getting disappointed. I hate having high expectations. I hate being rejected. I wish I can end it all, but feel nothing towards it. I wish I was heartless. I wish I was the old me again. But I can't. Just because I can't have what I want doesn't mean I have to give up. Just because I was disappointed doesn't mean I'm always gonna be disappointed. Life happens to go by one day at a time and I don't even realize the good times. I have been really pissed recently just because I'm keeping my emotions bottled up. I just wanna cry all the time. I'm not happy anymore, and I don't even know why. I just wanna be happy again. I wanna actually smile about something that's real. I wanna feel excited. This isn't even me anymore. Why am I acting like I'm okay when I'm really not? Am I being fake? What's wrong with me? I don't even know. Am I hurting? I have this strong feeling in my throat, my heart is beating fast and I don't even know why. My life is just a blur right now. Even though there's good things happening, I don't even see it. I'm blind. Sometimes I even think what's the point of living? Am I just here to please people? Can I be selfish for once? Oh, I forgot.. I am selfish. I don't even know why I'm such a sensitive person. Why do I hurt so easily with words that are so simple but yet affect someone so much. I'm pissed. I'm discourage. I need an intervention. I need someone new in my life. It sucks cuz I can't do anything about it. I'm just gonna be this generally sad person with no hope in her life. What to do? Just kill me now please, somebody?